Christmas in New York City

First of all I would like to wish the world Merry Christmas... Since that's practically impossible I'll simply start with you : )  Anyway, life is great!  Although I miss my friends and mother in good ole Idaho, I'm having a blast traveling and visiting with my various family members.  I spent about a week in Louisiana and actually went down to a beach where Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Rita visited 14 months prior.  It was amazing to me to see the level of destruction that was still there over a year later.  I found the experience to be quite humbling...

I also spent some time with both sets of my grandparents which was very welcoming.  I learned a lot about my family history that I was completely oblivious to...  It's been quite the learning experience.

Currently I'm in New York City with my sister.  It's the first time we've seen each other in six years.  She's an amazing soul and I'm extremely grateful that we have laid the building blocks towards a better relationship...  I'm sure she will never realize how proud I am of her...

My next trip is sort of a secret at the moment so to the few that know you should feel real special haha and to those who don't know... sorry! 

Sooo that's where I'm at right now and I'm really happy.  God it feels great to say that.  "What the soul hears it believes"  Ya know, it really is true...  Well, here I end for now... Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! 

Here I Am

Current mood:indifferent

Well, I'm officially Texan again (no matter what it says on paper :P and you know it!) living currently at my cousin's house in Austin. I'm having a great time and learning my way around the town. I've gotten lost my fair share of times but I always find my way home :D It's strange being here and experiencing Texas and my family a decade after I remember them. It's been very good for me...

Most of you know but my bird, Peepers, died October 29th. I don't really know what happened except that he died in his sleep. Peepers was my baby but I still had Princess my tortoise... Well today it just so happened that Princess ran away. She was out enjoying the Texas sun and somehow got out of the yard. Seven of us joined in the 'Princess Rescue Search' but alas she was no where to be found. 

So here I am. Just me once again... I'm sure no one is all that interested in my pet woes but I really don't care :D I had to put something up in their memory haha! Anyway, things are going pretty good for me. Am very much looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my family once again. It's been almost 10 years since I've spent Thanksgiving in Texas! 

So on that note, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! If you are traveling please be safe and may all of you eat far too much :D

Officially Homeless!!

Current mood:accomplished

Wow what a feeling!!!  I'm officially homeless and happier than I've ever been.  I'm currently back at my mom's but I'd like to think that I actually haven't "moved back in with my parents!"  I'm at a very free point in my life and it's awesome.  I just got back from moving my belongings to Texas.  WHAT AN ADVENTURE!!!  My roommate and I drove a Budget rental truck almost 2,000 miles across the country!  It was a blast. We had great fortune with weather and driving which we attribute to our "good luck driving fairy" that a co-worker gave us before we left.  There were some bumps along the way and that's for sure but we made it none the less.  Our stay in Austin, Texas was a great time!  And now we are back and I'm staying in Idaho Falls...  Wow, what a trip...

It's finally here...

Current mood:anxious

Well, I'm officially unemployed!!!  Today is the last day for a little while that I will have access to the internet but I'll be back soon!  I leave Saturday night after Ang gets off work for the big state of Texas!!!  We are driving all my things down there and flying back.  I will be in Idaho Falls for about a month with my mother and then heading right back down to Texas.  I'm really excited and nervous all at the same time...  To everyone that knows me well enough you know how much I'll miss everyone but I need something new...

I'm going out this week so hopefully I'll get to see all my friends out there...

LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Looking Forward

Current mood:excited

So I finally have something in my life to be excited about!!  I have finally made a grown up decision for my life... I'm moving back HOME to Texas!!  I'm so damn excited!  I'm going to be moving at the end of October.  Although I'm sadden to leave all of the great and wonderful people I have met in Idaho, I feel very at peace about going back to my roots!  So before I go we all have to get together and throw one more amazing shindig!!!

Today...

Current mood:contemplative

So today I took a step back...

So far back I actually remembered the time in my life when I felt the happiest!  I was barely 19 and had recently moved to this wonderful town of Pocatello.  I was living in a shit hole apartment that was WAY over priced for what was there.  This was the first time I had lived on my own.  I don't know how it was achieved but I always had a supply of good luck running in my direction.  I was going to school and, surprisingly enough, especially to myself, was ecstatic with the idea.  Life was so easy then.  I was broke but I loved the company I surrounded myself with. 

It is a nice dream to think those days would never end but at that moment in my life I never once thought it would ever be any different...

Strange what can happen in a few years...

Don't get me wrong, life isn't bad now by any means.  I just miss the innocence of being so young. 

Then it came to me... The happiest time in my life quickly became the saddest time in my life.  With one phone call my innocence of that time was shattered. 

I want to be over this by now... How do I let myself "forgive and forget" when I constantly remind myself of it???

If anyone even reads this stupid thing and has a magical answer that will take away all the shit please let me know...

Until then I'll be working on the todays.... instead of the yesterdays...

The worst pain in the world

This is my first blog and I'm not so sure how great it will be...

I just had a moment of clarity to which I want to share:

A friend told me tonight that they think that love is a mystery... I think that there are no mysteries involved.  My theory is that love is clear; it's either yes or no.  I think we personally make it a mystery by justifying the wrong doings that we endure or inflict.  Tonight for the first time in a long time I had a pain well up in my body.  Any other day I would have absolutely thought the pain was simply heartburn.  I now realize that this is the true feeling of ones heart breaking.  I thought I was over all of this.  It's been SEVEN MONTHS!!!  Yet here I am again falling apart and there's nothing that I can do about it...  One day I'll pull myself out of my denial that I'm doing okay...