Current mood:
excited
Ughh... Moving... There's no single word that can describe the angst that comes from a move. Although there's the excitement of a new place, there also comes a fear of change. I'm not sure if I've wrote this before but I truly believe that it's not that people don't like change, it's that they hate the transitional period in between. Of course people like change... If we didn't we'd be a very mundane society! But it's that transitional period, adjusting to the change, that gets us frazzled! excitedI also believe that the only difference between fear and excitement is a choice. Our bodies experience the exact same physical side effects: racing heart, dilated pupils, sweaty palms, shortened breaths, ect. Now, don't get me wrong... Sometimes, it's truly fucking hard to make that choice between the two emotions... I've been learning a LOT about fear lately. Specifically, fear in my own life, in my actions, in my conversations... I'm practicing on a daily basis the act of giving my fears away and finding the details I can be excited about! Again, this is a daily process for me... Maybe one day I'll wake up and be rendered free from all my fears! So far, however, this has not been my experience...
Change... There is always change in my life, in everyone's life. Maybe... Adjusting to being a fiance is different. The relationship just becomes different... Every flaw is presented and questioned with "Is this something I can deal with forever?" Every attribute heightened with feelings that run deeper than I could ever imagine. The realization of just how lucky I am floors me continuously... I have a man that's just absolutely head over heels for me - to the point that he can't WAIT to call me his wife. Wife... There's a big word!
Change... Truly joining two households into one. Not just HIS stuff... Not just mine... OURS. What a concept!! Making decisions together about where to place various items throughout the new place... Eating dinner at the table - yea, pretty sure that's what it's there for... Cooking for a man who just can't get enough of it - he loves EVERYTHING I make! HA! Brags about it to our friends...
Change... Being referenced as "Momma" when talking to Toby. Toby... Being really responsible for another living thing. I mean, I've had pets before - TRUST me, I've had tons... But this time it's different, it means more now. This little creature has really brightened our lives. Although we could do without his howling, we know it's just because he loves us so much! Sharing all responsibilities, triumphs, disasters that comes along with Toby with Clay is something I'm very grateful I didn't miss... I can't even begin to explain the growth I'm experiencing with our dog.
To try to compare my life to anything I've ever experience would be ridiculous... It's not even on the same plane... I'm not the same person. I enjoy the person I've become - most of the time
And my... A whole hell of a lot has changed...
